Relax :)

In Real Life!!!!

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory...

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake......

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE!!!!"


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Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I named mine Sex. It was a mistake because Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, " I'd
like to have one too !" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, " But you
don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my
wife and me and a special room for Sex. He told me every room in the place was for sex. I said," but you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." He replied, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said."I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had sex before I was
married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, " What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."



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HOW TO INSTALL LOVE
A call comes through on the customer service line.

Customer Service Rep:
Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?


Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?


CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.


Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.

Customer:
Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.

Give a little love away ... keep in touch.




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FATHER AND SON
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Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you
would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

---------------------

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even
an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

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Sex is:
like Nokia (connecting people)
like Nike (Just do it)
like Pepsi (ask for more)
like Coca Cola (Enjoy)
like me (too good to be true)